Camouflage
September 4, 2008 | 9:58 AM
A conviviance in connivance allows the uncouth to assume a measure of what is wanting, but never is really sufficient.
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (0)
Death and Pleasure
February 22, 2008 | 8:09 PM
Is pleasure necessary? Is the necessity of pleasure (assuming a yes answer) negative or positive? Do we find a determination for living in a sometimes artificial need (assuming a positive answer), do we determine equal need in dying?
What benefit, conformity? When might conformity be rebellious? When group consciousness is as much a form of conformity and being conscious is rebellion?
Currently: You are the sunshine of my life
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Politics is the World's Second Oldest Profession
August 13, 2007 | 3:30 PM
Politics is a profession that grew in direct consequence to prostitution. Someone had to convince the disapproving populace that a whore isn't a whore--obviously an obvious whore would never do, therefore the whore who undertook this particular vice had to be careful not to look like a practicing whore, but rather, to blend into the mainstream of the populace--be they whorish or no.
Is whoring wrong?
It isn't wrong because the ghost of human guilt says so, but if there is a negative aspect to it, it is the taking of a thing ordinarily freely traded between organisms and putting the false context of economy on top of it. The bridge between emotional need and market sensitivities is a thing ugly in its own right, where the gift becomes a commodity--and the freedom to give is diminished in dignity by the ability of the gifted to command giving.
Some small epigram occurs to me:
Freedom is antithetical to order as guilt is stronger than love
I wonder, why guilt should be, save that love was not truly felt.Fashion is the third oldest profession--the whores need clothing to describe their wares, the politicians need clothing to cover their hidden hearts, and the raving populace needs clothing to protect themselves from each others hoary hands.
Honesty--ugly in the mouths of those for whom it comes only with difficulty.
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I am Stung
June 11, 2007 | 6:32 PM
That which I am accused of, could so easily be true.
Despite the possibility, I have no desire to do so.
Guilty, I am nevertheless, because it is possible.
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Sheepishly Self-absolved
June 11, 2007 | 6:19 PM
It isn't that you regret any adverse consequence as a result of your actions, certainly none experienced by other than yourself. Rather, it is a wish to defray any hostility directed at you as a result of your irresponsibility and the duplicity of your chagrin.
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People are Strangers with, or without, Candy
June 14, 2006 | 8:42 AM
No matter how low you look, there's always a level beneath your line of sight.
I try continually to capture some happiness I seem to remember enjoying sometime, but I don't exactly remember when. Actually, I can't remember what the happiness was, or when I gained or lost the capacity to feel it. I think it might be environment, or perhaps relationship oriented. Maybe I am just attaining some new level of neurosis never suspected previously, or even an awareness of existing neurosis.
Living "here" is an interesting study in what I don't want from life, and an interesting examination (to vary word forms) of what I can get from life. I traveled to the slightly less pretensious, if not hippier town of Mountain View. Accosted by rampant orientalism and the smell of stale patchouli, I wandered the street seeking validation from humans who by merely looking, could sense their connexion with me. I was disappointed and silly. I walked and walked and walked, I passed Sunnyvale, I passed Great America, I saw a family smeared across three lanes of beautiful pavement. It did nothing to lighten my mood.
With aching legs and organs, I arrived in what passes for downtown in San Ho...a stretch of slightly more dilapidated hotels and warehouses. Its shocking to see the wealth of silicon valley adjacent to this grinding soulless poverishment in this suburban agglomeration.
Defeated, and re-defeated, I board the train back to Palo Alto, to climb back into my little, expensive cave and dream of living.
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A Drafty Rant on Something Tangible
May 9, 2006 | 11:39 AM
It must be stated that I enjoy the privilege of cynicism from a peculiarly advantaged position. I admit to a certain proclivity for complaint. As I have stated in various rhetorical ways throughout this missive of a blog, I am a person of observational compulsion, and of unfiltered reaction.
I am currently bemoaning the human behaviour of finding particular measures of social appropriateness to be the measure of entree, yet the society of the socialised is denied to those who may find some antisocial element in that society's measures. This is a clumsy way of making an essence out of the observations of people who drive expensive cars...these are 'smarter' people, who pay seventy thousand dollars for a vehicle that accomplishes much the same as a thirty thousand dollar vehicle, and contributes to the same malaise as a vehicle at any price. And then there exists a certain snobbery based on ownership of vehicles--the presumption beginning in the perception that vehicles are the correct and proper mode of propulsion for humans, and that the attendant social ills are a result not of the mode of transport, but some failing on the part of planners to shape the world to suit the modality. And I laugh when I see 3.50 at the pump, for regular. I laugh when you are stuck in traffic, for i eschew the car culture, but you run me down in the sidewalk, you blare your horns and play loud music at my home, your exhaust fouls my air, and the society created around your mobility infringes on my mobility, but do you care? Do you feel responisble...
I am at fault for not participating in this silliness, and further, I refuse to attend to the snobbery of purchasing power.
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Cold Coffee, Colder Thoughts
April 19, 2006 | 9:22 AM
I guess it is my own fault, having expectations that simply don't match with reality. But isn't that what expectations are, or at least possibly can be? Not only do I seem to choose a form of happiness that depends on the surreal, but I would guess that I am inhibited by chronology as well.
You see, I am desirous of lifestyles that have no modern equivalent, and very likely never were real at all. My expectations, at least in terms of living life, have no basis in observed lifestyles. At the very least this is an American conundrum, but I suspect it is a 21st century dilemna as well, or alternatively.
Coffee is the most difficult meal of the day, and my expectations around its service and quality prevent me from enjoying either service or quality on any given day. I wish for some peaceful introspective moment, and I get a beer delivery truck across the street, whose driver insists not on placing the kegs on the ground, but throwing them onto the ground, with a loud recurrent clang. He's parked in the middle of the street, and traffic is at pains to get by. Yes, the bar that he's servicing needs its alcohol to function as a business entity, purveying all things inebriated. I feel put upon however that their needs have imposed themselves on my needs at this decidedly un-bar hour.
There's the poorly dressed businessman, his clothes the shabbiest of Joseph Bank's off-price line. He's wearing a headset and talking to some prospective lover/client. He's talking loudly and openly, sharing with me. I am held hostage to his spiel, and he abates not at all to order his own coffee, which I guess to be more a stimulant than a pacifier.
There's the student of medicine, likely biking over from Stanford, he's at such pains to satisfy any curiosity as to his sexual persuasion, that he is leering at a pregnant woman. Two elderly matrons are not safe from his randy protestations. He opens his mouth--this time to speak to a professor, and a purse falls out.
A man that I had heated words with about his smoking habits is suddenly escorted firmly from the cafe. He notices me and grimaces in a most superior way. I can almost respect the power that such an egotistical face must require to be maintained under these circumstances.
And my coffee, served to me from a thermos and heated using the milk steamer...is cold.
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (0)
The Irony of the Listening Judge
March 8, 2006 | 10:29 AM
No, I haven't forgotten you, I just ran out of things to say--having said the same thing over and over again. When will you listen, will I have to listen first?
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I Wanted Truth
August 2, 2005 | 7:53 AM
I wanted truth to be true, I wanted beauty to be beautiful. just as truth true should be, so beautiful should be beauty.
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Nature
July 29, 2005 | 2:17 PM
Nature deified, natured defied, nature defiled, nature died
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The Societal Stockholm Syndrome
July 28, 2005 | 10:31 AM
Wishing the maleficent society to accept me and give me life.
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Honesty
July 25, 2005 | 8:08 AM
Ugly in the mouths of those for whom it comes only with difficulty,
betimes unattractive too for none too few who,
hearing contrary to will,
will lie, rather.
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Where I Preside
July 20, 2005 | 3:30 PM
Its cold again, on the streets where I reside: I’m soiled again, by the streets where I preside.
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Illusions
July 15, 2005 | 9:31 AM
An end of ideal ideas,
following the flood of illusions;
broken by illusory precepts--
perceived to have been...continuity creating itself.
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Caramboulage
July 1, 2005 | 12:26 PM
A methodical meeting of minds turns collisions to collusion,
a venerable occupation of thoughtful discourse and meaninglessness.
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A Street of Consciousness
September 13, 2004 | 3:19 PM
In the glittering sunshine of a midday Monday, I find myself wandering into the Union Square store frontage, the glittering merchandise of Valhalla--the technicalities that brought wealth to geeks resurfaced...
...Have I lost myself again, or am I simply drowning in some suffusion of words? You wonder, don't you, what sort of point I am trying to make, all the while missing the wonderment of words, and the allowance of a freer sensation.
I really hate to be bound to meanings, or at least to subservience in chronology, in expectation. I expectorate on it.
Back to Union Square, watching my reflection in the mirror, and wondering at the well-clad, seeing that their style belies a desire not to see them in anything less than their chosen style--aficionado with retail-queens, bitchy trash with fancy rags aboard that heaving disease called carcase...or is it bitterness?
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Mass Reality
July 13, 2004 | 9:37 AM
Religion is the first refuge of the ignorant
Violence their last resort
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Sorry Tootsie
June 18, 2004 | 3:17 AM
And to all the girls I've loved before (who ended up with personality disorders), I can only say; "I'm sorry."
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (2)
Perceptions
May 26, 2004 | 12:59 PM
Bremen Uni-GWII, 31.05.1996
Even if what people perceive is, by some model, false; they are really perceiving something, therefore human perception can be said to be real.
There are no mistakes, no wrong choices. there are only hard choices, and soft choices. Mistakes are only the tactical definition of effects which are unforeseen--they are appropriate to the future, because the future is made-up of them.
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (0)
Nefarious Dialogues
May 26, 2004 | 12:58 PM
Washington, DC, 17.01.1998
A nefarious dialogue with component personalities. Treading the sofa-nomad's path--that destination-less transition whereby pathos was its own never-reached goal.
People are distractions having decided on desire, of another, am I one? For to desire is to assume sameness and what does that have to do with me and bridges?
What feature, resident in my personality, gives rise to such vehemence, and correction. And why does my behaviour appear to be at variance from the perceptions of others? Is environment constraint?
Difficulties in completing a thought: In attempting to define experience one is confronted with difficulties in one's position within the human community, and the position of humanity--their changing relativity, and the meaning of 'position' in such a dynamic situation.
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Die genaue Bedeutung von Egoismus
May 26, 2004 | 12:56 PM
Bremen, 1996
Hast du Toleranz vor den Intoleranten
was verstehst du unter Verstand?
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The Morgantown Ethos
May 26, 2004 | 12:55 PM
Everyone has a place to go, everywhere everyone goes is the same, no one is really going anywhere.
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Perspectives on Perspective
May 26, 2004 | 12:54 PM
What is the purpose of a vanishing point anyway? An end? Why a horizon?
What is perspective, a limitation...Can we see no further?
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Illusory Continuity
May 26, 2004 | 12:53 PM
Hamburg, 24.02.1996
an end of ideal ideas
following the flood of illusions,
broken by illusory precepts;
perceived to have been continuity creating itself
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Stability
May 26, 2004 | 12:52 PM
Hamburg, 24.02.1996
an artificial stability reveals it's basis
a basis, for existence, basis in fact
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (0)
Untitled
May 26, 2004 | 12:51 PM
savour the hate
flavour the pain
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (0)
Where's Who?
May 26, 2004 | 12:50 PM
enter the room. many people are in the room. each one is different. they are all in the room.
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (0)
Do unto Me
May 26, 2004 | 12:49 PM
endow me with your essence, wow me with your presence, cow me with your sentience, gouge me with your innocence, bow me with your redolence.
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (0)
Auf dem Wege zwischen Bremen und Hamburg
May 26, 2004 | 12:46 PM
15.06.1996
existence, by design
persistence, my stop-signEinmal im Hamburg im Sommer des Jahres 1996
Da steht der einsame ich vor dem altonaer Bahnhof. Reisende striemen an mich vorbei. Alle haben Ziele--woanders. Und da stehe ich, einsam. Ohne gewiss und suchtig geniesse ich die knappe achtung der seltsamsten blicke. Ich fahre mit der S-Bahn Unterirrdisch zum Hauptbahnhof. So leicht wechsele ich mein Standort aber mein Stand nicht. Einsam. Ja die Drogenhändler sind da, Ja die Striecher sind da, Ja die Ausländer sind da, Ja die Pendler sind da, Ja die Arbeiter sind da, Ja die Verrückter sind da. Ja die Bullen sind da, Ja die Nutten sind da, Ja Obdachlosen sind da, Ja die Ledertypen sind da, Ja die Spionierenden sind da, Ja die Schwarzfahrer sind da, Ja die Einkäufer sind da, Ja ich--welcher gruppe gehöre ich?
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Shallow Consolation
May 26, 2004 | 12:43 PM
Shallow consolations for the poverty of modern experience act as callous insulation to properly cordon sentience from factors, factors that would be withstood by no free-born being, but actors that we are, it is the role of the slave that we play.
--Translation from the German original, Matt O'Neill, 1995, Bremen
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Afflicted Victors
May 26, 2004 | 12:41 PM
And will boredom overcome a people who, having fought for leisure, are afflicted by the fruit of their own victory?
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Questioning Propensity
May 26, 2004 | 12:40 PM
answer to a difficult question: more than one is none, what was the question?
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Typical Madnesses
May 26, 2004 | 1:00 AM
Our innate faculties are as able to answer as posit questions.
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Air India
April 1, 2004 | 11:55 AM
Pure ignorance, like tea leaves, brews pure in this worldly pot.
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (2)
Interrupted, by a Girl
December 15, 2003 | 11:27 AM
please avoid apparent references to reality
--better to be obliqueon purpose, but without purpose
There are those who would suggest that Paris is only a city in which people live their lives...
Will my fate be interrupted by the cackling gorgons of southern infidelity?
Is ingratiating myself to your palate less offensive than to my own?
To what end Brutus?
I refuse to acknowledge that any insult lies in being considered a cartoonist.
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Opined, Did I?
August 6, 2003 | 4:03 AM
Having an opinion opens the floodgates
one can swim to pariah, or be washed away to mediocrity.
perma-link | suffusions of delusion: (2)
Racialisms
May 26, 2003 | 12:39 PM
The problem with any one race claiming to suffer from racism, is that the selfsame group must indulge in racism to make the claim.
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Knowing a Thing
April 11, 2003 | 8:57 AM
If I knew nothing, and knew a thing, and knew two things, I would begin to know a thing or two, and would begin to know things instead of getting to know them. So filling my head with junk, I would have opinions, and would colour what I know with what I think?
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Sighing Satisfaction
March 19, 2003 | 2:18 AM
a full belly makes for a lacksadaisical approach, certainly
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Joy to the World
March 17, 2003 | 11:13 AM
If the world gives you no joy, change the world
If you cannot change the world, create your ownIf you are not creative, the world will give you no joy
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Above Reality is a Supperreality--Nutritious, or Misspelled?
January 24, 2003 | 11:24 AM
I break a thing to find out how it works,
I berate a thing to find out if it hurts,I fake a thing to find if it is false,
I take a thing to find if it is mine,I bake a thing on which I want to dine
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